This page is like a blog diary for me, where I write down the thoughts that lead to my stories. It is like a "Who am I really?" type page, and what weird, twisted and hopefully wonderful things are going through that mind of mine. The latest ramblings will be separated by book titles and dates. Sometimes I even ramble as a way of procrastinating writing the next chapter.

The Lost Luna

4 Mar 23: Back after a hiatus

I had a two-month hiatus due to a back injury and sickness within the family. When I came back, I started publishing one chapter a week, but that is progressing. Chapter 71 was published tonight NZ time.

On another good note, I finally managed to work out how to check my statistics on Good Novel, and I have almost 600 followers, and my books are doing well, especially The Lost Luna which is my most popular book to date. It is almost finished.

13 Oct 22: Thank the Moon Goddess for erasable pens.

Despite planning out an entire story, sometimes the storyline takes you on a slightly different journey. I find this so amusing because I am always planned (being a teacher and all), and I have plans in case plans fail, and I am useless at keeping to plans, so I have to re-plan on the fly. Thankfully, I keep a large supply of erasable pens and refills to fix up plans whenever this happens.

9 Oct 22: Chapter 44 - Using past experiences

Using prior experiences is something I think all writers and artists do.

In this case, I am using my own experiences of suffering with my mental health. Sometimes life is overwhelming, and no matter what, it is hard to see a way out of it. Imagine yourself in a hole, and you can only see the sky above. When the sun shines, you can see how beautiful the sky looks, and you can smell the beautiful nature that is out of your sight. That is the problem. It is out of sight. You can get a hint of what it is like out of that hole, but you can't climb out of it to get there.

Occasionally, you can jump up and catch an even bigger glimpse. Sometimes you find the strength to climb out yourself, and other times someone puts a ladder down to help you out. Any of those helps you escape, but unless you actively endeavour to avoid the next hole, you run the risk of falling right back in.

6 Oct 22: How I am putting the novel together

When I put a novel together, I follow a pretty standard procedure.

First, I'll come up with a concept based on a main overall idea. It is very simple and is usually no more than 100 words.

From there, I start planning out the basic chapters. It is like a very broad timeline of how the story is going to progress. The first time I do this, it is usually a page long and very simplistic. I will most likely leave it for a little while, as I am probably still writing other novels. I'll come back to this timeline a few times and add in new ideas as they come to me. Once I am happy with how the story is going to go, I move on to the next step.

The next stage is to write a summary for each chapter. This is basically a paragraph, around 100 words describing what happens in each chapter. At this stage, I will decide from whose point of view the chapter will be.

When I am ready to write it straight into Grammarly (and no, I don't always agree with the changes the programme wants). I type out a more detailed timeline before starting to write. Sometimes I will write a couple of half paragraphs before going back and adding more detail to them. I will often sit and close my eyes for a moment to visualise what is happening in each moment. I will go over it multiple times to make sure that it makes sense, flows and has the preferred mix of plot, dialogue and description. On average, I write about three chapters a week, except during non-contact time (school holidays) when I try and write a chapter or more a day.

Finally, it gets proofread by Helen before getting uploaded to GoodNovel or wherever it has been signed. Once the novel is finished in its entirety, I put it into word and make it into both Kindle and paperback versions.

4 Oct 22: Chapter 35 - Warning label

I had to put a warning label on that chapter. Going into the past and the horrific slaughtering of an entire pack required it, although it wasn't as graphic as one of the chapters in Finding His Mate

 However, there is also a warning label for badly spoken English. In order to do that dialogue, I channelled my memories of teaching in an intermediate school where I was commonly asked, "Do you got a pencil, Miss?" and I cringed the whole way through it. Grammarly had a fit, of course.

My proofreader hasn't seen it yet, but knowing Helen, she will probably be cringing along with me.

3 Oct 22: World Background

In this world, there are no "werewolves". Instead, they are called shifters because they shift into an animal form. These particular shifters do not have the Lycan form that I wrote about in The Alpha's Mate. It is a totally different world. Also, in the particular town that the book is set in, the local human police are aware of shifters, and there is a relationship of a sort between the police and the local Alpha (Daemon).

Instead of a Royal Family of wolves, there is a Council of Alpha's which govern the packs and mete out justice where necessary.

2 Oct 22: Relationships

This is definitely a procrastination ramble two paragraphs into chapter 32.

The Lost Luna is a standalone story at this stage, with a possibility of a sequel.

I changed up the characters in this book to have a weaker main female character. Adriana is not the most confident person but a beautiful and talented pianist who had the fortune (or misfortune) to be mated to Alpha Daemon. This main male character can be an arsehole at times. Their first interaction was evident when he uplifted her from her life and dumped her into his without a second thought.

Much of the problems with relationships come from an unequal standing in the relationship, as well as a lack of authentic communication. Like all people, they will flounder and struggle, but if they are willing to grow, a future together will be achievable. This idea resonated with me because, despite being a writer, communication is hard work, especially when you have ADHD.

However, for them to work out their relationship, these problems have to be addressed. They must also have to prevail against considerable outside forces before their future can be assured.

The poem below was written in early 2021. It highlights what it is like to communicate when your neural pathways aren't typical. It is not that I don't think about the people around me, because I do. It isn't because I don't listen, because I do listen, although I don't necessarily pick up what is most important to you at the time. My mind doesn't have a slow switch. It goes a million miles an hour or crashes. Most people are too slow, and I am already onto steps 10 and 11; even if you haven't even thought of them yet, I have already arrived.  To read this poem, start on the left-hand side and read down When you get to "or", go back up and read the right-hand side.  Also, read it fast.

The Alpha's Mate - Book 1: Finding His Luna

3 Oct 22: World Background

In this world, werewolf law states that only humans who are fated mates may be turned into werewolves and only with consent. There are three Kingdoms in the world and are ruled by those who are direct descendants of King Leto. Only these direct descendants have white fur tinged with a golden colour.

There are some pure wolf-born packs who refuse to mate with humans for they feel it will dilute the pureness of that line. If they find that their fated mate is a human, they will either reject or kill that human, and choose another mate.

Werewolves have three aspects: They appear human, but still have wolf-like powers. They are usually taller and stronger than most humans. They have a Lycan aspect and a wolf aspect. Both of these aspects are large creatures.

3 Oct 22: Science

In chapter 39 - Operation Stop Viktor: Kristof and his team are going out during the early morning to attempt to capture or kill Viktor to stop him from wreaking havoc and abducting Aláine. The main issue with this was how they would be able to see in the dark. I read about what happens to nocturnal animals in regard to their nighttime eyesight. It was an interesting read in which I found out that wolves have a tapetum lucidum, which is a biologic reflector system. There is a reflective layer of tissue in our eyes that sat behind the retina. Because of this, it allows them to see in the dark, although obviously not in colour.

In Chapter 66 - First Run: Aláine has had her first shift and has fully become a werewolf. Since she wasn't born as a werewolf (wolf-born), she would obviously need to learn how to walk on four legs and use her tail. It was very interesting to learn how dogs run and use their tail as a rudder. This way, they could run and turn without falling over. 

2 Oct 22: Characters

Finding His Luna was my first adult erotic/romantic fantasy book. I didn't want a central female character that was weak in any way. Aláine might not be the strongest character, but she can hold her own despite her vulnerabilities. For the main male character, he needed not to be a narcissistic arsehole or abusive in any way. Kristof still had to be commanding and sexy, but that could happen without the bullshit.

The nastiness of any character was left to the villain. In this case, it was Viktor. Villains are not born evil; they are created. In Viktor's case, the scene was set about three years before the story. I decided it was okay to feel for the villain, but at the end of the day, his character is still the miscreant and must be dealt with.

I left the story with a cliffhanger and a totally new unnamed character. More will be revealed in Book 2: Future Queen.


3 Oct 22: ... and Now...

Those two particular poems came about when the remains of 215 native children were found on the grounds of what was called a residential school in Canada. Colonialisation has become synonymous with genocide, where predominantly white civilisations have taken over. Their policies have destroyed countless generations of Indigenous peoples around the world for hundreds of years without consequence or redress. The systemic and administrative racism has rendered these Indigenous peoples as second-class citizens in their own nation.

What started as 215 bodies of children (that's right... defenceless children) quickly became a thousand in former state-funded religious (Christian) schools. By the end of September 2021, there were over 4,000, and the number just kept climbing. Numbers were estimated to be much closer to 6,000 or even higher. This was truly genocide in the name of God.

... was the original poem and Now... was a combination of the first with extra verses added as the horrific numbers went up.

Miscellaneous Ramblings

2 Oct 22: Where It All Began

I have always been creative in terms of art, music, and writing. It was, and is still, an outlet to cope with life that didn't always seem kind. The whole dysfunctional family background is a part of it, as well as never feeling I fit into that family.

I was brought up by a solo mum who had to work for the first four years of my life due to a lack of a government social net. It was hard for her, made harder by the fact she had her own severe (at times) mental health issues and very little emotional support while bringing up a child who didn't act like other children. It wasn't nice growing up, but that is where the need to be creative sprung from. It became my crutch and a way to survive mentally.

My main issue was finishing things and sometimes even starting them. I was never very good at that, especially the finishing. I struggled at school. Although teachers recognised I had potential, my reports always said:

Finally, at the end of 2021, I was diagnosed with ADHD. Those report comments were constructive in my diagnosis, not to mention my husband telling the doctor what it was like living with a squirrel who couldn't follow a line of uninterrupted thought without a map.

The medication for that has been an eye-opener. I found I was able to plan better. Not only that, I was able to set goals and meet them in a way I had not been able to do previously. This meant I could finish a novel, and I did.

So here I am... writing my little heart out and enjoying it. I hope you enjoy my books as much as I relish writing them.

Below is a poem I wrote in 2021 about what it meant to be creative and know I could actually succeed at something.